Changed for the Better

I woke up this morning and the first thought to cross my mind was, "Wow! do I have a LOT to do!"  

I leave for camp on Sunday, two days from today and 48 hours from this minute. This past week has been a struggle of a kind for me. I want to go to camp, and I know that I will learn so much. It will be a summer of many opportunities to trust God and to learn and grow. But right now I just want to be here and enjoy this time off. I know it's a selfish feeling, but right now I just don't want to learn stuff.

However, I am still excited. Today I need to wash laundry, pack, shop for last minute things, pack, decide what I really need to take, and pack again. I need to finish my devotionals, work on memorizing, say good-byes, and get over myself and decide that this summer is going to be amazing. 

Honestly, I can't wait. It's just one of those change things where it is more comfortable to stay where you are. In the long run, I highly doubt I will ever wish I hadn't taken this summer to do camp. 

If you are reading this, I would love if you'd pray for me. Pray for strength to do what's right. Pray for wisdom to lead my girls toward Christ in the way they need. Pray for joy in all circumstances. Pray that I would rely on God for all my needs over this summer. And pray that this summer I am changed for the better in ways we can not even imagine. 

Thank you (: See you soon.

Let the Waters Rise

Don't know where to begin

It's like my world's caving in 

And I try but I can't control my fear

Where do I go from here?

Sometimes it's so hard to pray

When You feel so far away

But I am willing to go 

Where you want me to

God, I trust You

There's a raging sea

Right in front of me

Wants to pull me in 

Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise

If You want them to

I will follow You

I will follow You

I will follow You

I will swim in the deep 

'Cuz You'll be next to me

You're in the eye of the storm 

And the calm of the sea

You're never out of reach

God, You know where I've been 

You were there with me then

You were faithful before

You'll be faithful again

I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea

Right in front of me

Wants to pull me in 

Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise

If You want them to

I will follow You

I will follow You 

I will follow You 

God Your love is enough 

You will pull me through

I am holding onto You

God Your love is enough

I will follow You 

I will follow You

There's a raging sea

Right in front of me

Wants to pull me in 

Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise

If You want them to

I will follow You

I will follow You

I will follow You

LET THE WATERS RISE -- MIKESCHAIR

The Perfect Daddy

I listened to a radio program on the way home tonight. It was all about how important a daddy is to each little girl. Each girl needs that perfect father figure in her life; without him something will surely be amiss. Funny thing is, there isn't a single perfect daddy on this earth. Sure, some do better than others, but none of them are perfect. 

I was just thinking about this as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep. I was praying and telling God I knew He was perfect and talking to Him about some random things, but then some wave of cynicism swept over me and while I was saying one thing to God I was feeling a completely different thing. As I said "God, I know you are perfect, you'll never let me down, and you love me," I also got this thought that said, *How could you be perfect? No one is perfect, and those who claim to be are the furthest from it.*

I know that isn't true, but it's how I feel sometimes. I do not mean to dishonor my father in any way at all. He is a great dad, and I know he tries, but as a human he cannot possibly be perfect. I think we (or at least I) put dads on a special sort of pedestal and rely on them for so much; not only physical needs such as food, clothing and shelter, but also for affirmation and affection along with others. 

God is the one who will never fail to provide that. 

I don't know for sure that this is true, but I can imagine that boys need their daddies to love them in a special way, too. And I am sure this need isn't always or often fully met. Again, no fault to the dads. They are only human. But still, something is missing. 

God, I pray that you would be that perfect daddy to each of us. That you would show us what it means to be loved completely. I ask that you would give each of us the courage to let you love us fully and the faith to believe that you will and that you do. Complete us and make us new and whole again. Teach us to know you and to know your love. Let us look at our earthly fathers with the knowledge that they are not who you are. They only serve as a small and imperfect glimpse of who you are. You are ever so much better, more loving, and more perfect than any of the best daddies here on earth. Help us not to limit you by who they are. Help us to look at them and love them for who they are and not condemn them for who they are not. I know you love me, Lord Jesus; help me and all of us to accept that love and to know it fully. Amen.

Are You Praying?

I try to do it on my own. I can't do it alone, but that honestly doesn't stop me from trying. I am a terribly stubborn creature, and I believe that I should be able to handle it. Well, get this. I am SO wrong. I wasn't created to handle it. Huh. 

Yesterday I had some stuff going on. It's personal, so let's just leave it at that. What it comes down to, though, is that I didn't know what to do. I was scared, frustrated, and confused. A few different times during the day I felt God urging me to just pray and talk to Him about it. Well, I didn't. Not until this morning. 

I woke up and started journaling all the things that were going on in my head. I started to write to God rather than just the paper in the book. Once I finished up there I looked over and saw my Bible on the table by my bed. Poor lonely thing... I haven't been spending nearly enough time there.  

I flipped it open, turned a stack more of pages back and then sat there dumbfounded for a few seconds as I read the simple note I had left in the margins. 

"Are you praying?"

What? These verses don't speak once about praying. Why is that written here? But no, I guess I'm not doing very well at all in that area. . . . 

Luke 16:10 says:
"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much."

If I cannot be trusted to pray when I am prompted, and that being such a simple thing, how can I expect that I will be given any greater task? I am told to "Pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17). This doesn't mean that I have to stay on my knees constantly and never lift my bowed head, but it does mean that I have to have a constant attitude of prayer. I have to constantly realize that God is the one who is sovereign. I have to consciously pray whenever I am anxious or fretting about anything. 

I honestly don't know if I will ever get it down. I am failing so aptly that I doubt myself sometimes. No, I doubt myself often. I ask to hear God's voice, but if I am not speaking to Him, and I am not listening when He speaks to me, what is the point? I may as well go on and live my life as though He didn't exist. THAT is a scary thought. Thank heaven it is one that I never have to see in reality. 

In all that, I guess what I am saying is that when God prompts us to do something, we need to do it. And if that is to pray, then we need to do it. And do it then. If it is something larger, then do that also because He trusts you to do greater things for Him. 

The next time I run across that note in the margins of my bible I want to be able to answer the question with a sound "yes." Yes, I AM praying. 

And I Will Walk in Them

I'm not confused. I know what I am supposed to do. I am not against it, really. I don't exactly know what's going on in my head right now. What is it about God's plans that makes me want to rush into them running, but also makes me want to dig in my heels and refuse to budge? I know, I KNOW that His plans are good. I KNOW that He knows what is best for me. I KNOW that He has a plan for me greater than I will ever be able to see.

"But God, I am happy here! I'm comfortable! I don't know the place you are sending me to. I've never done that before."  

Somehow I get the feeling that my excuses don't really matter to Him. 

As I finish up the first half of the devotions I am putting together for camp I am realizing that the lessons I am going to be teaching my campers are SO applicable to me right now. They aren't lessons just for kids, though if they were I am nearly the same age as some of them will be. 

I am so excited, yet I am extremely nervous. I would rather jump on a plane back to Africa right now than go to camp. I am willing, and I will go. I know the summer will be amazing, and I am certain that I will learn as much or more there than the campers themselves will. 

The theme verse for camp this summer is Ephesians 2:10.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (NIV)

Or as the HCSB says it:

"For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them."

And I will walk in them.

Inspiration (March 2013)

Yes, I did just search Google for something inspiring. Honestly, I feel like there is nothing worth saying in me. On the one hand, I want to leave this be and just not write until I feel inspired again, but on the other hand I know that if I do that this blog will go down like my last one did, never to be seen again and it will be months, if not years, before I start another. 

So I write. I seem to continue finding it the better alternative though nothing worth reading will come from these hands or my head. So, as I searched for something inspiring to write about, I decided to write about inspiration. Or rather, here are some quotes and I may or may not blurb something about them.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." (Marianne Williamson)

"The longer you wait for the future the shorter it will be." (Loesje)

"Every path has its puddles." (Unknown)

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." (Frederick Keonig)

"Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind." (The Rolling Stones)

"Laugh as much as you breathe and love as much as you live." (Unknown)

"If you think you're too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito." (Dalai Lama)

Maybe these were inspiring, maybe they brought a smile, or maybe they were pointless. Whichever way, I want to encourage you to keep on trekking. The longer you go without giving up the easier it gets to keep going and the harder it gets to quit. 

Upset Plans (4.17.13)

Plans are difficult. One minute you think you know what's going to happen, and the next it is something completely different. Yeah, sure, sometimes it's what's for dinner. Little things change all the time. Other times it's what's going to happen with your life. Those are the times when gray hairs start popping up. 

See, I didn't have huge, cemented plans for my life after college when I came into it. I could never really decide what it is that I wanted to be doing for the rest of my life. To be honest, I still don't know. I am being told that I can't major in what I want, so here's another thing God will have to handle for me. 

I'm confused. I'm stressed. I can't do this on my own. The things I want and the things I think are possible are two different things. My dreams from before are mashing with reality from today and making a mess. New dreams are coming out of that mess and these are being challenged; "Are they God's will?" I don't know. 

Why does the devil have to attack us? 



I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies is always by my side
The One who reigns forever 
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies is always by my side

Back Again....

Hey there (: This is just a short post to let anyone who has been watching (if there's been anyone?) know that I am back to it. I figured out the problem and should be back to blogging again soon. Turns out I DID have a gmail address I had forgotten about. Sometimes I make things far too difficult for myself. Oh well. I have it all straightened out now.