It Is Well with My Soul

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

This song, It Is Well, has been on my heart today. All day. It keeps spilling out of me whatever I am doing. 

I woke up this morning, did devos, and let my day start slowly. At 9 I was at work--singing. At 9:30 I was at work, still singing, but about to break down from exhaustion. At 10:15 I was told to make a phone call and go home because as they had told me three times already I looked "dead on my feet" and I refused to sit and be paid for it. Good stuff. So I went home, still singing "it is well with my soul."

This weekend has been hard. Don't get me wrong, it was great. I had a wonderful time with friends, I don't mind hard work, and we got so much done. But for me, it was more than my body could handle. By the end Saturday I couldn't physically lift half the weight I could on Thursday, and today (Monday) it was all I could do to keep the tears from my eyes as I struggled to do the fairly simple tasks of filling napkins, washing dishes, and running the register. 

But there's something about today that I want you all to know about. It is well with my soul. It is. There's nothing about the strain of this weekend, the trials of life, or anything else that can cause my soul to be unwell. 

Even when I don't have control of my tears or my legs, my soul is still well. 

*Tiny disclaimer here* Yes, there are times when our souls are unwell. I know that. But it isn't life and trials that cause that. It is the times that we stop giving our lives and our trials to God that our souls give way. 

Yeah, I'm tired. I'm completely exhausted. Spent. All gone. Whatever word you want to put on it to say I have nothing left will work just fine, thank you. But I have a peace that comes from knowing that the God I live for has it all under control. Even though I don't understand how He can do what He has planned with me when my best is less than half as good as normal (and I still have a hard time believing my usual best is enough) I know that He has it. God's got it. Though I am worn--worn out--it is well with my soul.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, 

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Preparing for War: Dishes Edition

Many of you know that I recently got a new job. What exactly do I do at that job? Well, I've been saying that I simply wash dishes. Wash dishes, cut onions, serve tables, sweep floors, etc. Nothing exciting, really. Nothing life-changing. Just dishes. 

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I was reading my daily passage in My Utmost For His Highest (MUFHH). This little devotional book never ceases to amaze me. Thank you, Oswald Chambers, for writing the words God told you to write. Take a look at what it said today. 

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Ministering as opportunity surrounds us does not mean selecting our surroundings, it means being very selectly God's in any haphazard surroundings which He engineers for us. The characteristics we manifest in our immediate surroundings are indicators of what we will be like in other surroundings. 

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The things that Jesus did were of the most menial and commonplace order, and this is an indication that it takes all God's power in me to do the most commonplace things in His way. Can I use a towel as He did? Towels and dishes and sandals, all the ordinary sordid things of our lives, reveal more quickly than anything what we are made of. It takes God Almighty Incarnate in us to do the meanest duty as it ought to be done. 

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"I have given you an example that ye should do as I have done to you." Watch the kind of people God brings around you, and you will be humiliated to find that this is His way of revealing to you the kind of person you have been to Him. Now, He says, exhibit to that one exactly what I have shown to you. 

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"Oh," you say, "I will do all that when I get out into the foreign field." To talk in this way is like trying to produce the munitions of war in the trenches--you will be killed while you are doing it. 

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We have to go the "second mile" with God. Some of us get played out in the first ten yards, because God compels us to go where we can not see the way, and we say--"I will wait till I get nearer the big crisis." If we do not do the running steadily in the little ways, we shall do nothing in the crisis. 

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First, ministering does not mean selecting our surroundings, if means being only God's in any haphazard surroundings He engineers for us. Sounds fun, right? (:

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How we act and react in these surroundings is indicative of how we will respond to the situations we are put in later. 

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Then dishes. It takes all of God's power in me to do dishes the way that He would do them. Seriously? We are talking about dishes in a devotional? Yes. Dishes. That's all I do. Dishes, dishes, dishes. Maybe He wants to tell me something? 

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Now show that person exactly who I have been to you. Yes, and do it while you wash their dishes and sweep their floors. 

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And then he brings missions into it. How anyone could know that today I would need to be reading something about preparing for foreign missions while washing dishes the way Jesus would is beyond me, unless it was by God. Chambers didn't know me as he wrote this...but God did. 

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We can't wait until we are out in the foreign field to prepare ourselves for what will come there. It is as useless as building your weapons while you are in the trenches of war. It will not work. You need them before you get there. 

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Yesterday I read, "The workshop of missionary munitions is the hidden, personal, worshiping life of the saint." The place where God is preparing the weapons for the war I am called to fight is here and now. As I pray and seek Him, He is preparing me for the things He will call me to face. 

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In the moment, however, He has called me to be faithful in the "little things" such as washing dishes. So I will continue to do so joyfully as I pray that He continues to work in me.

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If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.

--Luke 16:10

. . . being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

--Philippians 1:6

Only Christ In Me

I broke down today. I can't do this. No, I honestly can't. It's impossible. Do you want to see?

• Almost all of my friends are at least 35 minutes away
• I'm moving. Maybe. (The maybe is the hard part)
• I think I'm supposed to go to Australia.
• I'm scared to death to go to Australia.
• I have a new job. 
• I have never waited tables before. 
• I don't know anyone.
• I don't know the menu. 
• Pricing? Yeah right!
• Tips have to be taxed. 
• I have loans. I'm not in school, I want to be going on missions, and I have loans.
• And more loans. (Kids, don't. Just don't. Loans are a terrible mess to get into.)
• In 1 year, at the hours I am working for the wages I am getting I might have a tiny bit left over after my loans are paid off.
• There's no way I can earn enough money to go to Australia.
• They want me to put in my application ASAP
• As soon as my application is accepted, I have 3 weeks to pay $800.
• Money from Frank's goes toward loans until they are gone.
• I don't have other money.
• My passport needs to be renewed.

What on earth am I doing? I don't know what I am going to teach my girls in Bible study, I don't know where these girls are going to come from or who they are, I don't know how to play the piano, I don't know why, I don't know why, I don't know why. 

I'm beginning to think that the only thing I actually do know is how to make a decent cookie. There are many people who don't mind this, but frankly it is driving me crazy.

Right now all I want to do is take things into my own hands and just say I'm going back to school where at least I will have a plan for the next three years. 

Despite my teasing, I was in tears a couple of times today praying to God to help me through this. No, it doesn't look like much, but it feels like the world is crashing down around me. 

I don't get it. When I went to the DR I didn't know how God was going to do it, but he did. Somehow $1500 came together in His hands. Then I was told to go to Africa. How on earth would He manage this? $4000? But I didn't have to worry about more than the first $50 because after that He took it in His hands and made it come together again. How many times will I have to trust that my God is big enough to do impossible things before I get it? 

I can argue with myself all I want saying that all the times before where He has provided should be enough for me to believe, but unless I simply believe, there's no reasoning it. 

When I was crying earlier, this song came on. 

Praise You In This Storm

--Casting Crowns--

I was sure by now

God You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

[Chorus:]

And I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to you

And you raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Chorus x2]

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians 12:9-

No, I can't do it on my own, but I don't want to. I want God to do it with me. And He will. I'm so broken... May the world always know that it is not me, but only Christ in me. I can do nothing alone.