Living Life with Time Stopped

Time stopped. 

I was out of control and flying toward a ditch. I spun the wheel left, right, left, but nothing happened. The car twisted slightly, but the trajectory stayed relatively the same as it had been. I would land in a ditch.

Time stopped.

He bucked once, I held on tightly. He bucked twice, I looked to the ground. Three times, I noted the surroundings--a brush/garbage pile, rocks and stones, packed earth...I chose the latter. Four times and I knew he wouldn't quit. Fiv----and I was on the ground. 

Time stopped.

Two elbows wrapped around my neck. They tightened. I struggled. They tightened. I struggled. They tightened. I strug---g---le---d--- and the world went black.

Time stopped. 

I wonder if that's God's cue. I wonder if that's His place to step in and take control. Honestly, when I can no longer make sense of what is going on around me and no longer rely on anything I have in me to save myself, I think He has a lot more room to do His stuff. 

Those elbows, they tightened. I couldn't save myself. I tried, but everything began to slow down and the world became a blur. I was fighting in slow motion until I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't see... I was scared to death, but I was ok in the end. God took care of me.

As that horse bucked I lost all sense of thought. I didn't consciously determine my landing place or how I would fall--or even that I would. Consciously all I knew was that I would hang on. God was telling some part of me on the inside to look out for where to fall, telling me to use my training and fall safely. All I knew between the first buck and the time I picked myself up off the ground was that I had hit my head somewhere in the middle. A bit of time was lost, and no fall like that is comfortable, but I had angels there. I shouldn't have been as safe as I was. 

As I careened toward the ditch tonight I knew only that I couldn't do anything to stop it. It was certain. I was in for a hard hit and a long night. Somehow, though, as I was about to pass that "point-of-no-return" I felt the car moving back toward the lane. Slowly, and quickly at the same time, my tires hit ground again and I was on my way. 

I could swear that as I was driving tonight I had an angel at each corner of my car guiding it to where it needed to be. "God, keep my tires on the road," I had asked, as I often do. He was simply answering, "Ok, I'll keep you safe tonight."

I heard the song "The Same God" on the radio a few days ago. To be honest, I have forgotten recently that My God is always right here. That He doesn't change. That He always hears me. That He always has. That He has always been by my side. That He doesn't change!

The SAME GOD that I have known if the SAME GOD that I have basically been accusing of changing when I say that He doesn't feel close or I can't hear Him any longer. He is the same. I have changed.

Sometimes it takes a while for reality to hit me--or maybe stop hitting me. If life could be like those "time stopped" moments where I simply know that God is the only one who has any control it would be pretty sweet. But that's not how it is. I like to feel like I have some control. And then I am beaten up rather than choked out, maimed rather than concussed, stuck in a ditch rather than safely on my way home.

When things happen, I think they happen for a reason. He knows things. Imaging that. Our God--My God--knows what's going on. He can see the future. How cool is that?

Back to the wall, scared you'll fall
What you going to do
Day and night,
Don't know why its like the worlds' against you
You're praying for a break through

There was a day
When your faith couldn't be held down
God was near enough to hear every word
But somehow you wish He heard you right now
Don't you know

The same God who was with you then is with you now
The same God who led you in will lead you out
So take all the fear and doubt
Go on and lay them down
The same God, the same God is with you now

Can't you see
Everything happens for a reason
There's a time, there's a place
For every season
He knows what's best for you
So don't be afraid

I guess that was a bit of rambling, but hopefully you were able to read through it. It's just a little bit of what I am learning right now, and that always tends to look a bit messy. Welcome to my life ;)