What Strength?

I had a unique experience today. Long story short, I forgot my debit card and ended up being $7 short in cash on the groceries Mom needed for dinner. I could have figured it out, left some there and come back for it or something, but there was no way I could just get what I needed then and there. 

I started trying to figure out what I needed to leave, or rather, what I could leave. Then my friend asked what was going on, how much money I needed, and offered to help pay. My first instinct? Turn him down, of course. I didn't need his help. I could go home and come back again. It wasn't that big a deal, really. But let him pay for it? No way. 

He insisted, and I gave in. Thanking him, I allowed him to help me. 

As we were leaving the parking lot I said, "That's really hard for me." We didn't say much more about it, but that it is hard for anyone. As we were nearing home I said something more.

"You don't realize how much you think you can do things on your own until you actually accept [receive/need] the help of another."

I thought I knew I couldn't do it on my own until I accepted his help. Then I realized that, though in this case I could have managed (No, I can't let that go. I could have done it.), I really can't do it all alone. I didn't know that was something I struggled with. 

If you know me, you probably know that I can handle a lot. In fact, I probably "handle" more than I actually should be able to. It's a weakness if you think about it. Your own strength can be a terrible weakness. My strength is a terrible weakness. I say that I rely on God for my strength, but in reality, do I rely on him for my strength? Or do I simply rely on him to pick me up and carry me once I have fallen apart from "handling" more than I actually can handle? 

Today, I realized that I generally operate on the latter mentality. I actually can not do anything on my own, though I try so hard. And each time I struggle, I just struggle through. Maybe it's time to start asking for or even simply allowing help--from those around me, and most importantly from the God who made me.